House Reflections: Marriage

(Have been wanting to write this for a while now but I have a very active and teething baby which has made it a little more difficult to find the time!)

starting to explore!

poor baby!

This house has been one of the greatest sources of sanctification in our marriage. Mark stopped paying in the last few months of our engagement which carried over into our new life together. It wasn't until the house was a "problem" that I really understood the situation we had gotten into and desperately wanted to be out of it.

Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
Hebrews 12:9-11

From the very beginning of our marriage we were faced with this trial really helped to surface deep areas of sin in our hearts. And when two sinners live together, that exposed sin greatly affects the other! Early in our marriage we found ourselves frustrated and in disunity over this house. It felt consuming. Our sinful natures raged as I sought to take control of the situation while Joshua would admit that he was being passive towards the whole situation. It was a cyclical battle and we both fought hard, wanting to be the winner.

"Joshua what are we going to do with this house, we need to do SOMETHING! I'm trying to HELP you." I really thought I was helping Joshua and that he needed me to push him. I pushed and pushed, and the Lord slowly began teaching me (still is!) that I was not being as helpful as I thought I was:

"Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife!" Proverbs 21:19 

Regarding this house, I was the naggy wife that I had never wanted to be. Yikes! By His grace, the Lord showed me how deceived I was and that I was not being Joshua's helpmate in this trial when he needed me most. EVEN IF he was sinning too, I was not walking in His ways and therefore I was robbing our marriage of joy:

The law of the LORD is perfect,

reviving the soul;

the testimony of the LORD is sure,

making wise the simple;

the precepts of the LORD are right,

rejoicing the heart;

the commandment of the LORD is pure;

enlightening the eyes;

Psalm 19:7-8

Which directly applies to this beautiful passage:

 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Ephesians 5:22-24

 

Seriously!? In EVERYTHING!? Yes! Delighting in and obeying the Lord's ways brings REJOICING of the heart. God commands that wives should submit to their husbands. SO there must be joy to be found in submitting! The Spirit started to help me realize that I had no idea what submission was but that He promised that His Spirit would bring joy into our marriage, even in the midst of this crazy house situation, if I would trust Him for grace to submit to Joshua.

I prayed and asked the Lord to help me do this. I knew I couldn't on my own. We sought counsel and help for other couples in our church family who served us faithfully with encouragement, admonishment, prayer and support. Slowly, the Lord started to change us.  The Lord helped me to be quicker to listen, slower to speak, slower to become angry. He helped Joshua to seek Him, to act in faith, and to lead our family.

The Lord brought a sweet UNITY in our marriage as we started trusting the Lord TOGETHER for what He had for this house.  We realized that it was a battle, but we were on the same team! We were finally able to help one another in a productive way to move forward by faith but also to be still, wait and seek the Lord. 

What a sweet blessing these lessons have been to us as Joshua learns to sacrificially love and I learn to joyfully submit. We fail daily but we praise God for His daily grace which enables us to repent and empowers us to live out the Gospel in our marriage.

Rejoicing!

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5:31-33