I can hardly believe that Karis is almost 2 weeks old! In some ways it seems like only yesterday that we brought her home and at the same time its hard to imagine our family without her. It has been a joy to watch her grow and change even in this short time. Parenthood is teaching Joshua and I so much everyday, both in joyful and challenging moments. I hope I can share some of both sides of reality as the Lord teaches us on this journey with Karis.
Much of what the Lord has been teaching me lately has been through analogies. I preface all of these with the truth that no analogy is ever perfect when seeking to understand our Infinite Lord. Even still I know that He gives us many pictures in the earthly realm to help us know Him more fully.
So, this is a picture from the other night at 3 am...
The last several nights I have been overwhelmed by the fact that I cannot understand the cries of my daughter. She has no other way to communicate so she utters forth her little voice which is growing louder and louder by the minute. What does she want? I start going through the list in my mind: is she hungry? No, I just fed her. Is she cold/hot? No, seems about right. Wet/dirty? No, I just changed her just so I could cross this off my mental list. Needs to poop/burp? Not a clue, maybe? Maybe she just wants to be held? Will I have to rock her to sleep every night? What am I supposed to do??? Some people say I need to hold her so she doesn't feel insecure. Some people say that we need to let her cry and lead her so she can learn that we are her parents and authority from the Lord, that we will love her and take care of her but that she needs to follow us, in other words, to allow the child to lead the parents is not the intended design. I'm sure the answer is somewhere between the two extremes.
But after all this floods my mind I'm left with a heart thats confused and helpless. I'm exhausted and overwhelmed by emotions, hormones, and lies that say I am a terrible mother. What do I do Lord!? How do I care for my precious daughter in a way that is best?
Well, still haven't figured that one out :) Any wisdom is welcomed!
Even though I cannot fully understand Karis, I take refuge in the truth that when I cry to my Heavenly Father, He hears me. Not only does He hear, He understands and knows my heart fully. He hears my cry, knows my need, and meets it completely with Himself. The Spirit intercedes for me with groans too deep for words. He hears my voice and answers in the most loving way every time I call to Him. Sometimes thats tenderness and comforting, sometimes thats discipline and trials for my good. My Daddy hears my cry and I can rest in Him because I am fully known.
O Lord, teach us to run to you, our Help, our Comforter, our Teacher, our Friend, our Daddy. Teach us how to love sweet Karis so she can know you. Teach us to understand her cries that we can meet her needs, that she would trust our authority but also find security in an authority which is for her good.
How timely that our memory verses this week come from Psalm 130:
Out of the depths I CRY to you, O LORD! O Lord, hear my voice!
Let your ears be attentive to the voice of my pleas for mercy!
If you, O LORD, should mark iniquities, O Lord, who could stand?
But with you there is forgiveness, that you may be feared.
I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I hope;
my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning,
more than watchmen for the morning.
O Israel, HOPE in the LORD!
For with the LORD there is STEADFAST LOVE, and with him is PLENTIFUL REDEMPTION.
And he will redeem Israel from all his iniquities. (Psalm 130 ESV)
For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13:12-13 ESV)
Much of what the Lord has been teaching me lately has been through analogies. I preface all of these with the truth that no analogy is ever perfect when seeking to understand our Infinite Lord. Even still I know that He gives us many pictures in the earthly realm to help us know Him more fully.
So, this is a picture from the other night at 3 am...
and a little clip to give you some idea of our night...
The last several nights I have been overwhelmed by the fact that I cannot understand the cries of my daughter. She has no other way to communicate so she utters forth her little voice which is growing louder and louder by the minute. What does she want? I start going through the list in my mind: is she hungry? No, I just fed her. Is she cold/hot? No, seems about right. Wet/dirty? No, I just changed her just so I could cross this off my mental list. Needs to poop/burp? Not a clue, maybe? Maybe she just wants to be held? Will I have to rock her to sleep every night? What am I supposed to do??? Some people say I need to hold her so she doesn't feel insecure. Some people say that we need to let her cry and lead her so she can learn that we are her parents and authority from the Lord, that we will love her and take care of her but that she needs to follow us, in other words, to allow the child to lead the parents is not the intended design. I'm sure the answer is somewhere between the two extremes.
But after all this floods my mind I'm left with a heart thats confused and helpless. I'm exhausted and overwhelmed by emotions, hormones, and lies that say I am a terrible mother. What do I do Lord!? How do I care for my precious daughter in a way that is best?
Well, still haven't figured that one out :) Any wisdom is welcomed!
Even though I cannot fully understand Karis, I take refuge in the truth that when I cry to my Heavenly Father, He hears me. Not only does He hear, He understands and knows my heart fully. He hears my cry, knows my need, and meets it completely with Himself. The Spirit intercedes for me with groans too deep for words. He hears my voice and answers in the most loving way every time I call to Him. Sometimes thats tenderness and comforting, sometimes thats discipline and trials for my good. My Daddy hears my cry and I can rest in Him because I am fully known.
O Lord, teach us to run to you, our Help, our Comforter, our Teacher, our Friend, our Daddy. Teach us how to love sweet Karis so she can know you. Teach us to understand her cries that we can meet her needs, that she would trust our authority but also find security in an authority which is for her good.
How timely that our memory verses this week come from Psalm 130:
Out of the depths I CRY to you, O LORD! O Lord, hear my voice!
Let your ears be attentive to the voice of my pleas for mercy!
If you, O LORD, should mark iniquities, O Lord, who could stand?
But with you there is forgiveness, that you may be feared.
I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I hope;
my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning,
more than watchmen for the morning.
O Israel, HOPE in the LORD!
For with the LORD there is STEADFAST LOVE, and with him is PLENTIFUL REDEMPTION.
And he will redeem Israel from all his iniquities. (Psalm 130 ESV)
For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13:12-13 ESV)
I remember those days! I wish I had some magical words of wisdom for you but all I can say is that when it gets really hard, just try to remember it will pass (and not to put too much pressure on yourself to do it the "right way"). And, we had A LOT of success with swaddling to sleep...might be worth a shot. :) Praying.
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